There is an ache in my heart caused by sheer joy that has disrupted my grief – brought on by the Telugu song ‘Neeli Meghamulalo’. Everything about its artistic and aesthetic brilliance aligns. But its lyrics are fundamental to its beauty. The depths of its rich meaning with economically and etymologically used phrases frames the purpose of dharma and karma in kama!

With ‘Vasudhaa Vaani’ and ‘Guna Souri’ as protagonists, the play of the paradoxes weighs very heavily. Theirs is not a love of mere passion. It is about consideration that which is present and absent. And this song asks exactly that of the ‘Bhaskaraabharana Kaarini’, he who can lift the invincible bow of Shiva, which even ‘Neerajaakshi’ can lift; but can he balance and steady the thoughts and anxieties that reside between her brows?

Outside the scope of the song, ‘Varandhaamude’ ends up breaking the bow while trying to string it. It is not his strength on show, but his lack of skill to manage his strength. Thus, while he knows of ‘Midhilaa Veni’s’ trueness, he still puts it to test. That is his grand failing…his own inability to trust what he knows. And this song is hauntingly beautiful because that is the question it asks over and over again, so poetically.

And this is my lifelong grief.

Sita and Rama are my most favourite couple. They match in intellect, emotional and spiritual companionship. Yet their own individual autonomy is uncompromised even for the other. And my search has been for a love story where that individual autonomy while resolute is not limiting the relationship but enabling it.

‘Pursuit of Jade’ a Chinese period drama based on the novel Zhu Yu by Tuan Zi Lai Xi, is where I found my new favourite couple. Fan Changyu and Xie Zheng.

Xie Zheng is as grand and virtuous as Rama  himself – dutiful, obedient and a servant of the people. But he is only considerate, considerate and considerate to his partner. There is an inherent kindness he has as a person and Fan Changyu becomes its most generous benefactor. Respect is a status quo and love is not a leverage to negotiate submission to the other.

Every cinematographic frame of this Chinese period fantasy brought to life different lines of Neeli Meghamulalo, expanding its meaning and answering it in the assertive.

This ache in my heart through the intermingling of this joy with my grief has now found a completely new pulse.