June 1st marks two anniversaries for me – the day Sidhanta, my husband passed, and the day I began working at Titan with Taneira.

To call it coincidence feels reductive. Over time, it has come to feel more like a quiet convergence – an alignment across dimensions we don’t yet have the language for. Somewhere in that intersection lies a truth: between fate and intention, between what we choose and what seems to choose us.

When Sid left behind financial stability to become a cricket journalist, it wasn’t without cost. It required me to anchor us, to choose structure when he chose surrender. With no formal training or roadmap, only conviction, he set aside certainty for meaning. And while it deferred the comforts typical of young couples, what he found in return, a sense of self-actualisation; was something most only theorize about and I enveloped by it.

To witness someone live and die with that clarity is one of life’s richest gift to me. I never envied the regular plush lives of couples our age. But I carry a different kind of weight – the ache of measuring myself against the generosity of his purpose. The desire to love something with that same depth. To live not just for outcomes, but for meaning.

From the early days of meeting him to his final days, I asked him the same question: “How do I find my purpose? My reason to live?” And every time, he said: “Don’t stop searching.”

I often met that with practical resistance. Someone had to stay grounded, pay the bills. And Sid, always steady, would say:
“Don’t worry about the bills. Think beyond. Keep searching. Your calling is surely out there.”

He had more faith in me than I ever did. I’m not alone in that. The highly acclaimed sports journalist and editor of our times – Suresh Menon, who was his manager, mentor and friend, once wrote to me:
“He changed for the better everybody he came in contact with, and did it naturally, and without strain. Changing others was not his primary aim, of course, but this is one of those cases where the side effects were more important and more lasting.”

So now, I wonder – is this overlap of events on the same day a part of that legacy? His way of keeping me motivated in my search and perhaps, that I’m getting closer?

There’s a thought in Interstellar that i could draw a parallel to – with a non linear concept of time and where love is a constant; presence does not disappear – it manifests differently. Very differently.

So June 1st now holds space for both a leaving and a becoming. A day where two anniversaries – one of loss, one of finding – shape the contours of who I’ve been, and who I’m still searching to become.

~

Pic: Circa early 2008. Me in my final year MBA and the day after of the conclusion of the biggest test of the department, in which I was in the organising committee.
And Sid taking time off to come and just be there for me, and see an event he was a critical part of nurturing through his student life and feeling a silent pride.